Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Blogger Challenge Day 5: Suicidal Ideation

The challenge issued for today's post is to describe a time in my life when I considered suicide. While there were dark moments in my teen years and some pretty intense, but short-lived, depressive moments following my divorce, I can't say that I've ever ventured too close to the kind of dismay and emotional devastation that leads to a consideration of suicide. Beyond that, I was raised Catholic. I was indoctrinated into Catholic guilt at a young age, and no self-preservational Catholic would ever move a pinky toe towards suicide.  Avoiding the wrath of God, the archangels, and the Blessed Virgin is a top priority. I won't wade here into the deep waters of whether those who commit suicide are admitted to heaven, but suffice it to say, I've never been remotely willing to take the chance that they are not. :)

But as I consider the kind of emptiness and despair that leads to thoughts of suicide, I am struck by the realization that there is more than one kind of suicide. Those who end their lives do so primarily to put an end to intense emotional pain but also because they have resigned themselves to a way of thinking that they cannot navigate themselves out of - the deep and profound belief that there is nothing worth living for and no greater purpose to their lives. Psychologists refer to this mindset as suicidal ideation.

I have watched a number of television programs over the last few months that focus on quantum physics and the origins of the universe, primarily because my teenage son has a fascination with science and physics and I want to help guide his thinking (where I can) around issues related to creation and evolution. A number of scientists of our day, most notably Stephen Hawking, are making bold proclamations about the creation of the universe. Hawking recently caused shockwaves in the scientific and theological communities when he postulated that the universe could easily have evolved on its own without the purposeful intent of a divine hand. With apologies to the faith community, Hawking stated that he had seen nothing to confirm the existence of God and, conversely, had found sufficient scientific justification to suggest the universe simply created itself.

I consider this a suicidal ideation.

By definition, suicide is the "act of an organism intentionally causing its own death." What, then, must I conclude of scientists like Hawking and those who use his scientific theories to justify atheism? Even if Hawking is correct - that we exist as the result of a random outcome of quantum physics - then we truly have no reason to exist, there are no moral absolutes, and death will be the end of all of us. Talk about emptiness and despair! Seriously, why not just check out now? But, if the God of the Universe in whom I have put my faith truly does exist, then atheism is the ultimate suicidal ideation.  For those who embrace it, death will truly be the final outcome, and whatever years they have put in on earth will be a vapor. In my mind, atheism is a lose-lose proposition.  And for the life of me, I can't figure out why anyone would chose it. There is nothing in Hawking's brilliant quantum theories that explains why we exist, nor do they compel people toward kindness, goodness, or foregivness. By whittling the existence of humanity down to irrefutable physical laws and mathematical formulae, Hawking has sucked the very life out of life. What need have we of hope, the most self-preservational of all human emotions if, in the end, there is nothing?

Suicide is the very antithesis of hope.

-Lea

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